Have you ever felt manipulated? We have all encountered manipulation as some point in our lives.
What is manipulation and why can it be so deadly?
Let’s see what’s the definition of manipulation is.
The dictionary of Cambridge records the definition of manipulation as controlling someone or something to your own advantage, often unfairly or dishonestly.
Many times the person who is doing the manipulation will do so by playing mind games to get power in the relationship. This is usually done very subtle.
How Can I Recognize Manipulation?
Here are a traits of a manipulator. If you find any of these relate to someone you know, you might have a manipulator at hand. But don’t worry, we will also discuss what to do when you are being manipulated.
Come and see me.
The manipulator will want you to come to see them on their turf. Why? Because being somewhere they are comfortable makes them feel more empowered and you less empowered. This person is now in control of the environment.
Example: Can you come into my office?
You go first
Sounds polite, right? It can be in some cases but a manipulator will usually ask you questions first to hear what you have to say. Once they got the information you have given them, they use it against you.
Example: Tell me, why are you mad?
Manipulators will twist facts with lies to confuse you. Remember the serpent with Eve…I think that explains it all.
They will exaggerate events to make them look like they are the victim and to get sympathy, they will understate their role in the subject.
Your opinion is not welcomed
The manipulator will use the situation to make you feel sorry for expressing your feelings or concerns. They can sometimes come off in an aggressive manner towards your feelings or concerns that you have brought up. This is to keep them in control of the situation and have you feeling guilty for expressing your own feelings.
What about me?
Ever felt like no matter what you are going through that person has one up on you? That is another trait of a manipulator. They will down play your feelings and want to press on their own, wanting you to feel like your feelings are not valid.
It’s not my fault
Manipulators will not take responsibility for their errors. Annoying, right? And to top it off, they will make you feel guilty to the point you end up apologizing…but don’t expect an apology back.
If you really loved me…
Feeling insecure? Manipulators will use your insecurities and feelings against you. They may say comments to leave you feeling vulnerable. They may also leave you questioning if you are being unreasonable.
The Silent Treatment
The good ole silent treatment. This is a way to control people. They don’t answer any text, emails, or calls. Just silence.
I gave you 8 traits of a manipulator and I’m sure there are more. But knowing is just half the battle.
What Do I Do Now?
Good question! Manipulation will leave you feeling drained affecting you emotional.
Always apologize for your wrong in the situation. Notice, I didn’t say to apologize for what they accused you for but for your wrong doing. You probably won’t get an apology back, but forgiveness is for you, not them, so forgive them and move on.
Related: How I Forgave The Unforgiveable
You will want to set some healthy boundaries. Doing this will break the control the manipulator had. The manipulator may then grow desperate as they realize they are losing control.
At this point, you might want to think about this relationship. This may not be a healthy relationship for you to say in. If it’s not, don’t feel guilty to end the relationship because continuing with a controlling relationship is very toxic.
We usually don’t see we are being manipulated…I mean…that’s the point of it. But a friend or family member probably can see it a mile away. Talk to someone you trust and listen to what they have to say.
Seeking counsel is another good step to help. Don’t be afraid to seek counsel from someone.
No one should be manipulated. If you found this post useful, please like it and share it so others can be freed from manipulation.